Well, I guess it’s about time… We are in the season where a lot of matchmaking and marriages will be born soon enough. Some out of love, others based on mere attraction and fantasies, some others out of pressure and the lists goes on and on. I guess we already know this but I’d like to emphasize it again. The choice of a life partner is the most delicate and important choice in life which so many fail to understand. Who you choose as a life and “forever” partner is as important as where you will spend eternity. So many people fail to understand that marriage isn’t just about the flowers, the guests, the beautiful clothes, the extravagant gifts. That’s just the wedding. Marriage starts the moment the guests leave. How will it be when all the guests leave and it’s just you and the one you’ve chosen to live with “till death do you two part”?
I was in a group discussion one day and we were discussing the subject of marriage. A lady spoke up and said; ” I don’t know about you guys but I won’t advise any of you seated here to go into a marriage union without doing a court wedding alongside your white and traditional wedding.” I was puzzled by that statement so I had to ask her to throw more light on her statement. She went on further stating that a court wedding always comes in handy in case he cheats and that we should make sure that most of the assets acquired during the wedding should have our name on it so that it will be easy to part rich and leave your “cheating” spouse broke and confused. This is the lack of knowledge and understanding I’m talking about. Someone already preparing for divorce even before marriage.
The marriage you don’t prepare for will consume you when you get there. Why does an engineer have to get a degree and then have a 5-year working experience before being qualified to write the certification exam that qualifies him/her to be called an engineer? Why does a doctor have to go to a medical school for 6 years and then do a 1-year houseman-ship successfully before being a qualified? Why do we attend lectures and read books to write an exam? Why then do we do prepare for everything else but marriage and still expect a beautiful result? So many of us see marriage as just another dating playground where you can just come in, make demands, expect it to be met and then walk away when you feel things aren’t working out the way you expect it to. So many men today see ladies as just another trophy to add to their achievements. They feel the only preparation needed is financial security so they do everything to acquire the wealth, look for a wife that fit their profile, marry her and then because they already entered the marriage with a very wrong idea, they neglect every other important thing a marriage needs and keep providing for her financially. Likewise, so many women see men as a money bag; someone who will be able to tolerate her excesses and never ending financial needs. I can go on and on with scenarios of wrong perceptions of what marriage should be but as time goes on, I will talk more about other scenarios.
Every day I just see people who think they are mature enough to get married go on and get married only to enter it, mess it up and then resort to cheating, neglect, drinking and even divorce. One thing I see repeatedly in failed marriages is a failure to prepare and using the world’s “fantasy wedding” as a foundation to build yours upon. For a person to be ready for marriage, one should be prepared in spirit, soul, and body. How will you know who you can marry and who you can’t when your life doesn’t even have a direction? A lot of us are so focused on looking good on paper that we base our selection of a life partner on beauty, charm, material needs and all other things. We even go ahead to seek approval from our friends and family who most at times don’t know any better than us and therefore encourage us to look for a handsome rich guy who can “take good care” of you or a beautiful respectful girl who will be a trophy wife that you can display for all to see. No one said these criteria are bad but when there is trouble (if you are walking into a marriage hoping for it to be free of trouble, you are not yet ready), will his handsome figure, her beauty/charm, his financial capability or her respectful nature alone make things better? We should stop looking at all the wrong criteria for a life partner and start looking for what will bring peace to the marriage.
If we keep following the “Hollywood” marriage standard set and keep ignoring God’s word which is the only true standard, we will keep drowning in a sea of regrets. How will you even understand what God’s word is saying when you don’t have a relationship with him? How can you love when you don’t know the author of love? Knowledge and understanding are two different things. You can know about something and still fail because you did not understand how to use it in such a way that it will produce an excellent and beautiful result. God’s word remains the standard for the big “marriage” decision. If you don’t have a relationship with him, I’d suggest you do so before reading the other parts that follow this series because, without a relationship with him which is the solid foundation for this series, you will be building a house with no foundation and you know it is not possible because you’ll only be fooling yourself. A relationship with God is not just about waking up in the morning and saying your prayer, doing a quick glance at the Bible without applying it to your life. If you say you love God and you have a relationship with him, it is something that can’t be hidden. If people in the world still see you as one of theirs when you keep doing the very things that God hates just so you can be accepted, you obviously don’t have a relationship with God. I can go on and on telling you why it is important to have a relationship with God but the truth is that the choice isn’t mine but yours. If I could make you do it, I would have done so already. You have a chance today to make that choice. God is love. Without him, you can’t love. This is an absolute truth.
So, what’s your marriage going to be like? “Forever or Nah?”