Sometimes, I wonder to myself “Why wait till we get married to have sex? I mean everyone is already breaking that rule already so why do some people still hold out? What was God even thinking? Didn’t He already know that this would happen – that we’d eventually follow our heart’s desires? These and more are some of the questions that plagued my mind while I was growing up. I remember taking several purity pledges – promising to remain a virgin till I get married. Well, that didn’t exactly turn out as I had hoped it would. Let me say this straight – I lost my identity as a virgin at the age of 17. The funny part about the whole thing is that it happened in the most unexpected of ways. It was only then that I realized that you don’t plan for this and all the drama that comes along with it. It just sneaks up on you and because I wasn’t sensitive, I walked right in.
So here are my questions: Why wait for sex till you get married? Is there some sort of reward? Are you doing it to please God or please men? And if you failed in this area like I have, is there some sort of restitution or can I just go on since I’m already doing it? Let’s get naked and tell ourselves the hard truth. Enough with the silence. It’s killing us.
Why Wait Till You are Married?
A lot of singles just like me have let go of their purity pledges due to a lack of understanding. When an understanding of a thing is absent, abuse is inevitable. Why should one take such pledges seriously when they have no reason to hold onto? By purity pledge, I mean keeping away from sexual activities till your marriage bed. I don’t think I need to tell you how unwholesome relationships are in our generation. Sex is the love language – the spice of our relationships. And don’t even get me started on the heartbreaks! People are now more interested in meeting their sexual needs at all costs than caring for the other person. And they walk away when their sexual needs are no longer being met. Is this God’s intention for us?
One of the reasons why we have a lack of understanding is because we depend solely on what we’ve been told.
Most of us would rather listen to others [people’s opinions] rather than seek God’s counsel. For instance, I spent most of my time surfing the web for answers on this thing called sex. Before that, I had heard enough about sex from the church. How it leads us straight to hell, the diseases it comes with as its complimentary card, pregnancy for the ladies amongst other things. Oh, I’m sure you must have been told also that keeping yourself pure would guarantee a good marriage. So, we are left to live in fear and false hope which makes us an easy target for the devil.
The monster in me – my desires had other plans. It longed to hear something that’d give me a push to engage sexually and it got its wish. I’m pretty sure several others have been told all these and they were determined to stay sexually pure but it didn’t work out too well. Why did that happen? It’s because our roots of understanding are not planted in deep enough to the fertile soil so we are tossed and turned by every wind of opinions and ideas that go in line with our desires until we are completely uprooted.
Misconceptions about Waiting to have Sex – Why Wait?
I feel we should address a lot of misconceptions we have about waiting until marriage. Looking back, I’ve come to believe that those misconceptions are a part of what formed my beliefs about sex and abstinence. Before we do that, let’s define sex. Sex is a physical activity in which people touch each other’s bodies, kiss each other which often leads to sexual intercourse. That means kissing is sex; foreplay [romance and all] is sex. In essence, they are all processes that lead to sexual intercourse. I had to define this clearly because I have been in denial – I always thought kissing wasn’t really sex neither was the pre-romance. Now you and I know better.
Now that we have gotten that out of the way, let’s focus on these misconceptions. Some of these misconceptions or rather wrong reasons for waiting until marriage include:
- Fear of being cast away to hell.
- False hope – the strong belief that your abstinence from sex will give you something to look forward and a great marriage as well.
- Love – Keeping yourself pure because you want to please someone or prove some sort of point
- Fear of your parents’ disapproval
I can go on and on giving faulty foundations we build on. The Psalmist said: If the foundation is faulty, what shall the righteous do? These foundations are the very reasons why we fall away. You don’t win God’s approval by your good works. Your good works are just a reflection of Him in you – your way of expressing your love for Him. It is clearly written in God’s Word that we should flee. However, we draw nearer to the source of temptation because it feels good. We as human beings have a natural tendency to go where our hearts lead us. Until you have an understanding of God’s desire for purity, you’d keep going in circles.
So let’s do something. While I talk about God’s reason for asking us to wait, please pick up your Bible and study along. Don’t depend solely on my revelation. Let it be a guide.
Here’s a Revelation God Gave Me When I asked Him The Question, Why Wait?
Shortly after I began a relationship with God, one of the first questions I had for Him was on the issue of Sex. Why wait? Why go through all the trouble waiting only to end up disappointed? We all know how hard it is to wait so I needed to know why.
The first thing He opened my eyes to see was the chaos in families today. Marriages are constantly broken because of lack of sexual satisfaction. Innocent babies are murdered because of the lack of self-control of their supposed parents… Then He showed me the life of the single. We live in confusion jumping in and out of sheets; chasing after a misplaced form of love. Is this His will for us? He said No. Your body is His temple – He lives in you. Why would He want you to live in a state of constant unrest and confusion?
The reason for the unrest in families today is because the gift of physical intimacy is being stolen by the devil through the insatiable sexual desire long before the wedding. The essence of sex has been degraded from being a gift from God to the married to being the devil’s favorite tool of destruction for the singles…
Sex is a beautiful gift from God to you but to be explored only in marriage. Other than that, it will ruin you.
Sex may appear cheap and free, those desires longing to be satisfied but it will cost you more than you bargained for. There is indeed more to sex than the mere skin on skin. Yes, I know you can get infected with diseases but what about soul ties? What about the spiritual implication?
Your Body is His Temple!!!
A temple is a place devoted to a special purpose. Your body is devoted to a special purpose – the Holy Spirit lives in you. Let me take you back a bit. When God created Eve, Adam who was created in God’s image said something. He said 2 shall become 1. This simply means that you become one flesh with whoever you have sex with. You share in everything they have and likewise them sharing in all you have.
Your body wasn’t made to unite with just anyone. Sex is an act of worship to the Holy Spirit who lives in you. Which means that while how you choose to worship may be up to you, you must make sure that your sacrifice of worship is a pleasing one. The God who created sex honors it so much that He deeply cares about who and when it is done. Here’s what the Holy Spirit speaking through Paul said:
“Don’t you realize that your bodies are actually parts of Christ? Should a man take his body, which is part of Christ, and join it to a prostitute? Never! And don’t you realize that if a man joins himself to a prostitute, he becomes one body with her? For the Scriptures say, “The two are united into one.” But the person who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with him. Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God?”
What did Paul mean when he said, No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does?
He simply meant that your body is where the Holy Spirit lives not the church building so whatever you do with your body affects the Holy Spirit. Uniting your body with someone you are not married to brings great displeasure to God. Everything under the face of the sun has its time and season. And it blossoms in its season. Your time as a single is for the Lord – to get acquainted with Him, knowing what He wants and doing it. Going to hell is an eternal consequence for not waiting and that’d happen if you do not repent of it. However, that shouldn’t be a motivation for abstaining.
Do you know what it means to have God living in you? You have all the opportunity to get to know Him and what He wants you to do. He also teaches you how to use your body in ways that are pleasing to Him. If you understood how much of a gift that is, you won’t soil His temple. It is okay that you were ignorant before but you aren’t anymore. Fornication is a sexual sin and God hates it. And please, I’d like to correct an impression. The prostitute used by Paul in His letter isn’t referring to the regular ones we are used to. It is used to describe everyone involved premarital sex – fornication. That would include you if you still choose to continue on that path.
Can We Talk? – Why Wait?
Are you using your body in a way that is pleasing to God? I know you might be thinking, “how do I cope with the desires I’ve already awakened?” Focus on sex instead of on God is what keeps us bound. I know we are human beings but what you let consume your heart as a single will lead to unrealistic expectations that’d eventually lead to disappointment and anger towards God.
Focusing on Jesus is the only way to put your desires under. How do you focus on Him? The Word of God. Please, if you do not study the Bible before now, pick it up and start putting it to good use. There’s so much you are missing out on. Most importantly, the Holy Spirit is there to teach you. Due to how long this post is running already, I’d address this in another article. Please follow the link below to read it.
Finally, let me say this.
I know the Bible says you will end up in hell if you keep fornicating. It doesn’t have to be that way for you. I’m encouraging you not to obey God out of fear but because you love Him. Unlike man, God looks at the heart. Your motive matters to Him a lot. Please, get acquainted with Him through the Word. Let the Holy Spirit teach you. If you do not know how to study the Word, I’m beginning a bible study session to help ease the process. You can join in whenever you want to. God bless you and please begin your walk with God today. Turn around and turn to Him. No matter how far you’ve gone, it’s not too late to turn around and step right into God’s divine purpose concerning sex and your life as a single; letting the Holy Spirit lead you.
We desire an awakening, oh Lord. An awakening in our hearts. We have let sin eat deep into our lives and now we need you to lead us. Holy Spirit, awake our souls; revive our dead spirits. Let your will be done in our lives. Restore unto us the years the cankerworm has stolen from us. Awake in us the humility to draw near to your throne of mercy and grace.
Awake your reverential fear in the hearts of the single. Help us to live in the consciousness of sexual purity; to preserve our bodies, your temple. Help us walk in the freedom your grace gives and not to abuse the power of your grace. Awake our souls from sin; the perversion that has consumed and clouded our hearts. Open our eyes to see the destructive power of premarital sex – to see that it may sound and seem like fun but it destroys and takes more than we bargained for. Help me to stop being so naïve, misled and blind to the wiles of the enemy.
Have our eyes flooded with your light and not with the doomed darkness that sin brings. Show us the way. Our knowledge is too little of the great temptation before us. Make us realize that sin is not a norm and it is not your will for us. Awake our souls in you alone. Let your will be done in our lives.